Bang Head Here

Recovery is fragile. You get on the level and think that it’s all working out and bam! You’re back in the mire.

For me, this happens but there are also triggers and today, there was a trigger which was then followed by others, none of them insurmountable, none easy to resolve. It seems that no matter what stage I get to, something just waits and tries to drag me back into the weeds.

I’m now fighting off the slide as a result. I’ve gone through the steps required to resolve, I’ve taken the dog for a walk, I’ve been sitting quietly trying to gather my thoughts but I’m still agitated. And it’s pissing me off.

It’s not personal, it’s a bit of business that needs to be dealt with but it drives me demented not being able to shake off these parasites that keep on at me. I try to remain objective, try to see that it’s just a thing to do but it is a reminder that I failed to sort things before and failing to deal with them now.

I’m tired and fed up wading through crap. If they want money, I can’t give it to them as I’m not working, haven’t for six months and really only servicing bills for others. Where’s the life in that?

Recovery is a slow process but still not seeing much progress. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get it sorted and running out of ideas. Sitting around doesn’t help, going out doesn’t help, can’t work, even clearing rubbish to the tip was a chore, as the workers are all over your car to tell you what you can and can’t do. It’s rubbish, there’s a skip marked wood, it’s going in there. But no, they must watch you dispose of rubbish.

I’m ranting, and that in itself causes me pain as I hate going off on one, but what else is a blog for, to put thoughts on?

Hope you’re having a better day than I am.

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