The Waking Dead

If you suffer from depression and anxiety, possibly other mental health issues too, you’ll know the feeling of being tired. It appears to go with the territory for most of us.

It can be the sort of tired that is in the bones and brain that no amount of sleep seems able to shift. For some, it can also be accompanied with insomnia, which is a horrible place to be – exhausted and unable to sleep as the mind is constantly whirring away.

Before I sought help, I would be like something from The Walking Dead (zombie TV show, for those that don’t know). I would go to bed when exhausted, lie down and anxiety would take control, with my mind racing, no prospect of sleep. I would try but just toss and turn, with my mind whirling, emotions out of control. I’d get up and go do some work, try to divert my thoughts but it wrecked sleep for me.

It’s a wicked spiral, as the less sleep you get, the more anxiety takes hold and the less energy you have to do anything. It’s the cruelest of illnesses in that regard, once it gets a hold, it will continue to tighten its grip and pull you deeper and deeper into dark places.

I used Nytol and it did give me some success in getting sleep but I was pretty much wiped. The only thing that helped me was when I went on meds, as I had full sleep as the anxiety subsided. It still bubbles up occasionally but nowhere near as bad as it was previously.

What the illness still gives though is crushing tiredness. I can have a day of feeling good, get round to doing a few things and the following day I’m done. Today is one of those days as I was doing a few things yesterday and now I’m feeling like the carpet has been pulled.

I’m sure it’s all part of the healing process but I would like to have more energy on more days than tired. I would certainly like to be more active and feel like doing things more.

However, sometimes sleep is restorative and I take it when needed. Guess it’s the way it is for me with this illness and when I do feel energetic, that’s the time to do things. I get the urge every few days and hopefully they will turn into the norm.

For now, I wait and see how progress comes and take it.

Be kind to yourself.

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