Simmering Point

Well, it’s summary time.

I’ve a follow up appointment today with the psychiatrist and it’s time to reflect on the past few weeks since my last visit.

I’ve been away camping in north of Scotland, loving every second and came back chilled out. Who wouldn’t after being in quiet isolation in a place they love? The views, the beaches, the air, it’s all so cleansing and restorative.

On returning, it seems that it’s been again a never ending stream of crap that drags me down and big into a dark place, then keeps me there with constant updates. It’s either cars or insurance or fallout from the company still trundling along.

I don’t know if it’s the heat, but people have become even more argumentative and we see the effects of a divided nation. Too many conversations where it’s about division, with everyone seemingly on broadcast mode and unable to listen. If we could just open our minds for a time, we’d learn so much more and take the anger and hate out of the equation.

This does affect me negatively and putting it all together means that I find it inordinately hard to relax. It’s almost like keeping a pan of water on constant simmer, never allowing it to boil or calm, just constantly bubbling under the surface, topping up when needed. I truly can’t recall the last time I was able to relax fully, feeling the tension drain from my body and being able to enjoy the moment.

That seems like a bloody good topic of conversation for later on today. It’s also a spiral as I feel tense, so I respond without thinking and regret it instantly, making me feel worse. Irritability is not pleasant on either side and I wish I could relax to get rid of it.

There are positives. I’ve learned a few new skills, all around fixing and maintaining cars, which has pleased me to be able to do something new. Not hard and have a positive effect on car ownership for Lady M and me, so there’s a positive.

Our daughter is singing at Birmingham Symphony Hall this week and her end of year exams have all been excellent, an A* student with bright prospects. She is becoming more and more focused on music, which delights me and is developing into a good musician, which is fantastic.

Our son finishes school this week, with prize giving coming up. He won the Maths prize last year and is a clever little sod, doing more year 5 work this year, which is a year ahead.

Happy, bright and talented kids, plus a supportive wife. You’d think I’d be be able to relax and enjoy this but the Sneaky Bastard of an Illness won’t let me.

Won’t stop me trying though.

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4 thoughts on “Simmering Point

  1. The Sneaky Bastard will be gone one day and you can spit on its grave. I’ll give you hauners 🙂

    I had an Occupational Health appointment today. The retired GP was quite candid about how his views on depression have changed over the years. It took him some time to realise how complicated it can be, how there’s not always an identifiable trigger, and how treatment isn’t straightforward.

    You’ve done a great job with the bairns. I hope your current heid place allows you to feel the pride x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No expert as you know but music is immense therapy Rich … today I attended the funeral of an amazingly talented musician (husband of a very very dear friend) who was so damned good, with his peers at the time, that the US Naval Music Core refused to let them separate after graduation (obviously many moons ago) as they were that good and he played with music legends all over the world. In his twilight years, he held a residence playing Baby Grande piano at the prestigious Gleddoch House & Mar Hall spa resorts in Bishopton. My point… it was a Humanist service where we were treated to recordings of Glenn playing his jazz/bossa nova piano and you could hear the love he had for his music through his play, accompanying his beautiful wife as she sang (like an angel) and the service ended with us all singing to Louis Armstrong’s “It’s a Wonderful World”. It was beautiful and despite the sadness of saying goodbye to a wonderful man, watching his son, daughter, daughter-in-law and wife swaying and clicking their fingers to the music was just priceless and spoke volumes. Listen to music you love and be kind to yourself xx Love from Mo xx

    Liked by 1 person

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