It’s Saturday morning and I had a long lie but I feel The Slide threatening to start. I can think of no particular reason, it’s a feeling that my mood is about to go downhill.
The Slide is what I call the sensation when you are going into the grip of a depressive state, feeling yourself going down into the blackness. It’s not pleasant.
Strangely, it’s accompanied by a bit of a rise in anxiety levels and I really am not sure why this is happening. I had a great time away last weekend and a week where I have felt okay, thinking that there might eventually be a light in this tunnel and leading me out.
That’s why this illness is so cruel, such a Sneaky Bastard of an Illness that drags you back in to the darkness at a slow but relentless place. You’re feeling better, starting to do things and feel a bout of motivation, but then it grabs a hold, drags you back down for a word, as well as a good slapping.
I’m going to try to halt it. I’ve got a few jobs to do, one is to fix my car and I will go off and do that this morning. The kitchen needs a good clean, that will be next on the cards plus I may make something for us all as a treat, like a cake or buns. Can’t beat a good set of buns…….sorry, innuendo is a gift which I can’t resist.
While writing, I’m watching my son play on the X-Box, a game of Plants v Zombies which is really a shoot ’em up for his age group and I love watching his intent concentration as he goes about kicking butt, whether it be undead or veg butt, as he gets such joy from it. I remember when I had the same joy at such simple things, able to immerse myself for a good time in fun things and come out feeling refreshed. Doesn’t happen a lot nowadays, that’s where new things help.
I will go to do some work on my car, see if I can complete the task of changing the sensor for the new part and fix the handbrake. Never done either before and hopefully will give a good sense of achievement, if indeed I can get it done. I am hopeful and determined in equal measure, so I will give it a good go.
I think a day of activity and focus will help me stop The Slide in its tracks. I hate feeling on the edge of some episode and that in itself eats away at me, creating more negative feelings, speeding up The Slide.
Time for a bit of positive action.
Have a good day folks and remember to be kind to yourself.