Navigating the doldrums

First time in a few weeks, I had a bad day yesterday. Not right at all, was very quiet and withdrawn.

I went for a walk, which absolutely wiped me and every conversation seemed to sap the energy from my being. I met friends on the start of my walk, people I hadn’t seen for a while – in their 70s and an inspiration to every person with regard to age – and again, even though it was lovely to see them, it left me feeling drained.

I took my meds and went to bed earlier than usual and slept for about twelve hours, which isn’t like me at all, although recently I have been sleeping longer with the change in tablets.

Still on the taper in, taper out of meds which at this time has caused a little mayhem as I’ve not settled at all into this. I hope it’s still the bedding in until I’m off one set completely, which should be this week as I have a specialist appointment. I really don’t know what to expect, although I am not expecting to be sectioned, not yet anyway…..unless I mention the election.

Lady M is coming too, as she wants the Psychiatrist to know what I’ve been like from her perspective, which is likely to be more accurate and salient than my input. I really appreciate the support and determination from her as she really is helping here. Just wish I could be more forthcoming and less of a dick when at home. And that’s something that doesn’t help either, as I brood over my mood and goes in a downwards spiral which makes me feel worse. The only pressure is that which I put on myself, but it doesn’t help knowing that.

I do need time on my own, recharge the batteries, get my spirit back in the game. The planned trip away I’ve got soon is necessary, not just a desire or notion. Falling asleep and waking to the sound of the ocean is one of those things for me that is hypnotic and restorative, calling out and soothing in equal measure. For a guy who loves being by the sea so much, I live in a land locked county furthest point away from any coastline you can get in the UK.

Water is definitely in the genetics as my ancestors built boats on the Clyde as well as living off the sea and land as crofter fishers in the highlands. It’s in my pores, my very being but I didn’t realise until later in life, when I listened to my inner voice. There may also be an ancestor, for which I’ve yet to prove the blood link, who deserted from the Navy ship he was on and was found on a Polynesian island with women and drink. Sounds like something I would do, in the same position – we must be related!

Hope you are enjoying your Sunday and wish you good mental health.

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