Meds, meds, meds on my mind……quite literally, as it happens.
I thought I’d update you on how the transition with my meds is going. My GP decided to taper new drugs in while tapering out the current ones, which were not being effective, as I was having another crash.
It can be encapsulated in one word; sleep. I take the new tablets before bed and I’m asleep within the hour. The past few days have seen about 11 hours on average each night and waking is difficult, taking a time to get alert. Not sure how long this lasts, but damn I hope it goes soon.
I suspect it will take a while, as I’m tapering out one set of drugs for another, so the double whammy is resulting in sleep for the dead. Could be that it is healing and helping recovery, I hope that will prove to be right.
As for my mood, I do seem to be calmer, although I did feel a bit of a slide last night and have no idea why that might be the case. I just went into myself, watched a bit of TV, chilled out for a while. Then took a tablet to knock me out and sleep took hold.
When I finally do wake, I do seem alert and more reasoned, although the irritability is still there, which I’m trying to quell. I seem to have a bit more control and not just along for the ride, which is a good thing. Whether the mental fragility is still there, we’ll see once I am tested and I suspect that will be there for a while.
I’m not ruminating as much as I was, which again is a good thing, although I did think of something specific from my past yesterday and the emotion started to play again. Took me a bit by surprise, not sure what prompted that thought or why the emotion of it played again, but that again is part of this bastard illness. I didn’t dwell on the thought or emotion, I have become quite skilled at avoiding thoughts that have the ability to hurt or to cause rumination. A bit like a projector that’s playing a movie of images and I can turn it off or watch it until it plays out without turning it back on, over and over.
Initial marks are a cautious thumbs up for the new medication and will probably take a few weeks before I’m finally off the old ones, with the right level of the new ones found. Seeing a specialist soon and hopefully won’t see me as a fraud, which is again part of this illness, part of me always feeling I’m fraudulent and to give myself a shake, stop trying to deceive others and that one day, I’ll be found out.
Such a Sneaky Bastard of an Illness.
Wishing you all a good bank holiday weekend and good mental health.
Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.