In this week of Mental Health Awareness, it’s important to also remember the effect on your partners of this bastard illness.
Lady M took over again as I am failing. I received a text yesterday that we were going to the GP this morning as the current path is not working. Both of us went up and she took the lead, told the GP what was going on and as she was talking, was nearly in tears. She’s a strong lady and that shook me. I’m was worried about the effect on her of my illness but to see it was heartbreaking and I retracted my emotions as I didn’t want to break down either. I’ve done that before in front of a GP, not again.
Upshot is that I am now being referred as 18 months of medication, monthly meetings with GP and trying different techniques, recovery is not having the desired effect. It seems to be constant boom and crash, with glimpses of light then a drag back downwards into the dark places. I saw a different GP who has a background in mental health research, which was a different approach and very reassuring as well as pragmatic.
Immediately she agreed that a referral to a psychiatrist is needed and that it is most likely a biological imbalance in the brain. This is good that she recognised this as the GP I had long been seeing was treating this as an acute issue, which means it is triggers and will pass with time.
It isn’t. Not by a long way.
Meds are being changed to a different set that can be tapered, meaning I can take a small dose alongside my current meds and then amend both accordingly as time goes on until I am on the new set only. Seems sensible to try something else now and although the Fluoxetine worked initially, it is now limited as I can’t go up, can’t go down in dosage as it negatively affects me.
Not sure what the future holds or what answer lies ahead but I am relieved that finally I’m getting some further help from specialists in my recovery. Hopefully this will be exactly what’s needed and will spur me on to improved mental health, some form of recovery.
I’m also extremely grateful to my darling wife. Without her, I’d still be bumbling around on the bottom wondering just what the hell to do, if this was it. Now I know we’ve another route available and it’s all thanks to her.
In this week of Mental Health Awareness, make sure you are getting the help you need, not just medicated and told to wait, it might pass. Ask for help, push for it and if you can’t yourself, get someone that can to talk for you, get the help you need.
You’re worth it and deserve it, so be kind to yourself.