In the voice of Roy Castle and the theme tune to Record Breakers, ‘Medication, Medication, that’s what you need!’ Went to my GP yesterday and had a good conversation with him.
I think he really believed that I needed a push and was okay to come off meds. Not by a long shot and he did seem quite surprised when I told him what was going on, how I was doing since the last time we talked. He said it can be tricky finding the balance on meds, let’s go back to what we were on before to see if that does work.
We did talk about changing meds and it will take some time to come off, as you need to run down the dose and then have 7 to 10 days to clear it out your system completely before starting another kind. It’s not the right option with me being in a fragile state of up and down in terms of mood, so we decided we would go back to the previous dosage, keep up the monthly review.
It does seem to be a difficult balance to achieve as I increased back in autumn ’16 as I wasn’t doing too well again, not realising I was heading for a second breakdown, another crash which I’m still trying to get free of now. That didn’t work and sent me in a different direction, one where I was in an unreal state, detached and not with it at all, constantly tired and drained. Went back to original dosage and once settled, I felt better. It didn’t stop the crash though.
To recover, it will take a few things from me, not just taking meds. I need to exercise more, which I haven’t felt like doing and doing more things that feed the soul, big and small. Finding a space to drink coffee, read more and enjoy views, all while practicing mindfulness out in an open space in peace. If I can combine them all, then that would be great.
We’ve also got a holiday planned for going back to the highlands in the summer, that pleases my face and excites, in equal measure. If we can, we hopefully will plan some other breaks away to other places and see what they’ve got to offer.
Time to take charge. Time to grab back for me and the family, get to someplace that I can feel well again, lead a more normal existence. It will take take time, it will take effort and with some positive action, I’ll get there.
Coming with me? Great coffee along the way.
Be kind to yourself.