On The Slide.

For anyone who has been keeping up with me, I haven’t been doing too well this week. Had a great holiday, spent time with the kids then it’s just been a line of tedious crap and dealing with tossers since I got back.

Some of it is my own making, from the past due to the company closure and this being the fallout to deal with. Some of it is that companies are just complete eejits, astoundingly idiotic and non customer centric in their approach. It appears some have very little business acumen either or the process for making decisions is entirely flawed, just sticking to the tick boxes on their crib sheet to make sure that everything is covered without thinking too much about it.

That’s modern corporate life though and it’s not pretty.

I’ve not really been living in the moment though and have been brought up short a couple of times. My ability to concentrate and plan is severely diminished, as has been amply demonstrated this week. It’s Lady M’s birthday, went to get her a present today and didn’t have the funds available to pay for it. I sorted it in the end but to screw up with someone so important to me, it’s unforgivable. I felt a big kick in the guts on this one and feel like crawling back to bed, pulling the covers over my head, staying there until it all goes away.

Fair to say I’m sliding this week after coming such a long way. For anyone who needs to understand The Slide, please read this post to understand my description. I have good days, bad days, with  yesterday a really good day as Rory had a friend over to play and we had good fun. Kids are great therapy and to learn from as they just live in the moment, live for now and are just so free. I also had a great chat with the lad’s mum who reads my blogs and really enjoyed her company, which is not easy for me at the moment. Lovely lady and thanks for your kindness, as well as company.

My concern now is that it’s time financially to find work and I don’t feel able, which then in turn leads to more stress and pressure, putting myself up for failure. It’s a difficult place to be when you’re used to being so capable, in control and then you just can’t cope with the mundane anymore. If I’m being really honest, it scares the shit out of me that I’ll go for a low paying job and not be able to do it. I can’t and won’t go back to project management as it really did break me, I don’t need that pressure and crap in dealing with doughnuts again.

Not sure where it leaves me and the answer is out there. I’ve just got to find it, somehow.

Lastly, for my friend who’s going through a rough time at the moment (work issues, operation, etc), you’re worth a lot. Never mind the BS, you will get through it as you always do and feck knows that I understand how wearing it all can be. You’re one of the strongest and most resourceful people I have had the pleasure to meet, as well as one of the maddest and funniest. You;ll get there, you’re worth a lot. A hell of a lot.

The Churchill quote is right for you, ‘When going through Hell, keep going!’

Thanks for reading this. Much appreciated.

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7 thoughts on “On The Slide.

  1. You are too decent a guy to let things slide Pal. Just stick in there and things will come your way. I know from personal experience. Take a wee change in direction and only have people around (when possible) whoa are positive and genuine. Value yourself more Richard because the people around you that love you very much value you to the nth degree buddy. I am proud to say that i have come out of the other end a much happier man. I am a special member of that famous DNA club. The National Dyslexic Association. When i found out after all these years that this was my problem well, It was like music tae ma erse. keep on buddy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. After being an experienced theatre nurse for 24 years I had to retire 3 years ago, due to this whole mesh damage thing. I recently started working in our local Tesco on the checkout. I can sit and work so no pressure on legs. I’m back out mixing with people, earning a small amount (12.75 hours minimum wage!), but most importantly no stress and hassle. Can do my few hours and walk out the door without worrying I’ve given someone the wrong information. You’ll get something when the times right for you, and only you will know when that is. I always said this wouldn’t beat me, which was difficult on the days I was having to bum my way down the stairs because of the pain, but PMA all the way. You’ll get there. Hugs xx

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  3. My slide, as you know, was a slow and painful one, which ended when I was told by the person responsible for it that I’d never survive without them. That was my moment, when I decided that, whether they were right or not, I had to try for my own sake and especially for the boys. It didn’t happen overnight, in fact it was years and it was slow and hard and heartbreaking at times. There were more than a few times when I was broken in every way, but I clung on for dear life and now I am where I am, in a better place for sure. 5 long years at college and uni didn’t bring me that wonder job I dreamed of, but I work and it brings me joy, a little bit of financial independence and a confidence boost (remember I was told I was no use to man nor beast, had my bank account emptied and made virtually homeless). The old me used to care how many £ks I earned, now I enjoy just doing my wee job. Something will turn up that fits your life and gives you what you need from it. Keep your head high and your expectations reasonable xxx Much love xxx

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