For anyone who has been keeping up with me, I haven’t been doing too well this week. Had a great holiday, spent time with the kids then it’s just been a line of tedious crap and dealing with tossers since I got back.
Some of it is my own making, from the past due to the company closure and this being the fallout to deal with. Some of it is that companies are just complete eejits, astoundingly idiotic and non customer centric in their approach. It appears some have very little business acumen either or the process for making decisions is entirely flawed, just sticking to the tick boxes on their crib sheet to make sure that everything is covered without thinking too much about it.
That’s modern corporate life though and it’s not pretty.
I’ve not really been living in the moment though and have been brought up short a couple of times. My ability to concentrate and plan is severely diminished, as has been amply demonstrated this week. It’s Lady M’s birthday, went to get her a present today and didn’t have the funds available to pay for it. I sorted it in the end but to screw up with someone so important to me, it’s unforgivable. I felt a big kick in the guts on this one and feel like crawling back to bed, pulling the covers over my head, staying there until it all goes away.
Fair to say I’m sliding this week after coming such a long way. For anyone who needs to understand The Slide, please read this post to understand my description. I have good days, bad days, with yesterday a really good day as Rory had a friend over to play and we had good fun. Kids are great therapy and to learn from as they just live in the moment, live for now and are just so free. I also had a great chat with the lad’s mum who reads my blogs and really enjoyed her company, which is not easy for me at the moment. Lovely lady and thanks for your kindness, as well as company.
My concern now is that it’s time financially to find work and I don’t feel able, which then in turn leads to more stress and pressure, putting myself up for failure. It’s a difficult place to be when you’re used to being so capable, in control and then you just can’t cope with the mundane anymore. If I’m being really honest, it scares the shit out of me that I’ll go for a low paying job and not be able to do it. I can’t and won’t go back to project management as it really did break me, I don’t need that pressure and crap in dealing with doughnuts again.
Not sure where it leaves me and the answer is out there. I’ve just got to find it, somehow.
Lastly, for my friend who’s going through a rough time at the moment (work issues, operation, etc), you’re worth a lot. Never mind the BS, you will get through it as you always do and feck knows that I understand how wearing it all can be. You’re one of the strongest and most resourceful people I have had the pleasure to meet, as well as one of the maddest and funniest. You;ll get there, you’re worth a lot. A hell of a lot.
The Churchill quote is right for you, ‘When going through Hell, keep going!’
Thanks for reading this. Much appreciated.