Nothing is ever easy

It’s a gorgeous day outside!

Always better when the sun is shining, or so you’d think, right?

For the past week or so, I have been quite irritable and as of yesterday, my mood changed quite dramatically. Yes, there was a trigger which I wrote in yesterday’s post and last night, I had trouble sleeping, which I haven’t had in a while.

My lease car went back today, all rather smoothly but it was hard to see the car go. However, it is one tie from the company that has been removed and I am waiting on the inevitable ‘you owe us’ statement from the lease company, another argument waiting.

Nothing is ever easy, for some reason. And I am not in a fit state to cope with all the shit.

Lady M is having a bad first day back at work. As she put it, one week on holiday and chaos has broken out, loudly as well as in a barrage of emails. She is tired, fed up and working hard, which I really appreciate as well as empathise.

Nothing is ever easy.

I went to make coffee this morning, picked up the grinder and the jar fell on the tiled kitchen floor to smash into lots of pieces. Not big in the scheme of things, but bloody annoying and I spent 20 mins clearing it up, having a fight with the bloody vacuum cleaner in the process.

Nothing is ever straightforward.

I do think my medication is playing a part here. We decided at the last GPs visit to reduce the dose and that can have effects on headache, mood and sleep. It seems that’s the way of it right now until it settles…..then it’s another change which will keep the cycle going for a good few months until I’m off it or change.

Nothing is ever straightforward.

As I’ve said before, I don’t want to be here anymore, preferring to be in the Highlands, near the beaches, the clean air, less feckin people. Can’t do that for a while as kids are not at the right age to move from schools and Lady M, quite rightly, is in protective mode of their education which I completely agree with. Why should my illness and recovery get in the way of their chances in life, their well being, their mental health? It shouldn’t and never will but does leave me with that trapped feeling, no way out, nothing good will come of this while I can do naff all about it. Trapped.

Nothing is ever easy or straightforward.

We are coping but finances are tight with issues piling up on the side that must be dealt with and I am in no shape to work or function properly to hold down a job. I am doing some work at home, not much and adds to the income, hoping for some more to become available soon. Still waiting as this may be the best solution.

People may read this and think it’s a cry for help or I need some intervention. I don’t and it certainly is not a cry  for anything, just putting my experience out on a blog and if others going through it may be able to take comfort that they are not alone.

Nothing is ever straightforward or easy and I don’t have the will to fight it anymore.


3 thoughts on “Nothing is ever easy

  1. Yes I agree. Nothing is ever easy and never straightforward. Crazy little thing called life. Sucks at times. Head up buddy!


    Liked by 1 person

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