I’m naturally quite a gregarious character, the outgoing type who is usually at the centre of the noise or gravitating towards it. It’s something I’ve always done since I was a kid, which usually ended with me being the one shouted at for the noise, which wasn’t always the case.
When bigger (I refuse to say adult or growing up as I don’t easily relate to such tasks), shenanigans and laughs were never far off, even at work with some of the beige people getting annoyed by my noise, which was a bonus as far as I am concerned. I was described once as ‘The loud Scottish one’ and proudly wore it, still do. I see it as good for team building and enjoying a hard job, letting off a bit of steam.
With my kids, I am still always on, always having fun with them and getting them into a banter session. Fun, as well as good skills for them as the grow into the world. Has already helped Darling Daughter deal with a few idiots at school as she has a sharp tongue and quick wit, which I love.
I am not as I once was though. I find it tiring as it does not come naturally anymore and I can only keep going for so long before it gets too much. I have embraced my introvert self and it has certainly taken over from the extrovert. As we all know, you are never totally one or the other, with varying degrees of extrovert / introvert in everyone. I have been told several times that I am just about as much extrovert as you can be without being a cartoon and I had to be aware how that could be for others, so I judge my audience carefully.
I now like peaceful walks on my own, listening to music, reading different topics which is a change for me as I was never one for self help or motivational books, now I like listening / reading them to get something for them. In previous years when working, I needed noise in the background, TV or music and a constant variety of inputs to keep me stimulated as I tapped away on the screen.
Now I sit in near silence when on my own and writing or online. When in car, I listen more to audiobooks and podcasts (thanks to Vicky Charles and John Wilson for that steer) which I find interesting as well as hepful. I still like to listen to my music at a loud volume as I always have found this the best way to feel the music, even classical….especially classical.
At a social gathering now, I’m the one who will be talking with a small group away from the hub and enjoying the discussion rather than the shenanigans. It’s the way I am now and although I miss it in some ways, I prefer the quieter life, although sometimes talking to people is not what I want to be doing. I’ve been known to shout at the phone when it rings or chimes with a text, not answering if I don’t fancy a conversation. This was never me before but it is me now and I am rolling with it, taking my time as the song goes. Pat on the back for those that get the reference.
It’s a departure and I’m learning, which is part of accepting who I am, thanks to the effects of the Sneaky Bastard of an Illness. I hope the effect of my change on others is not too great or disappointing, it is who I am now.
The new me.