Getting the kids to school today was riotous. From the moment we got in the car, it all kicked off and really set me up for the day, and I hope they were set up too.
A flavour of what transpired:
Me: You okay, Abigail?
Me: What time do you get to sleep?
A: Not late, earlier than usual.
Me: True. You were asleep when I checked on you. Stuck my finger in your ear, in case you were faking.
A: God’s sake, Dad.
A & R: What? What the heck?
Me: When you’re asleep, they climb on to you and rub their willy in your face.
Rory: [Giggling] Spiders haven’t got willies!
Me: Yes they have, how else do they pee?
Me: And if they didn’t, they’d just rub their bums on your face.
R: What? They haven’t got bums either!
Me: How else do they poop? And where do you think their web comes from?
A: How did we get on to this from me saying I was sleepy?
Me: No idea, but seems to happen to me a lot.
And that is very true. The random nature of conversations is one of life’s real pleasures, a serendipitous moment, if you like.
We weren’t finished there, not by a long chalk.
Me: Abigail, what’s Spanish one to ten? I can do up to four, then it gets fuzzy and I’ve not ordered more than four drinks in Spanish.
A: [Recites the numbers, getting me to repeat them]
Me: Thanks. Rory, can you say that back to me now?
R: I don’t learn Spanish!
Me: You are now. Okay, repeat after me and for every one you get wrong, Abigail is going to get you.
R: No! I can’t speak it.
Me: Uno…..your turn.
Me: Abigail! Get him!
Abigail then proceeds to tickle him. We reached three before again it hit carnage.
Once order was restored, not by me I hasten to add, and I stated that as an experiment in alternative teaching methods, it wasn’t a good one. Abigail then went back to her earlier question, in an exasperated and comical tone:
A: How the hell did we get onto this, Dad? Never happens with Mum!
Me: It’s educational. Think about it.
A & R: What? How do you work that out?
Me: We’ve had biology, anatomy, Spanish and even tried out a new teaching method.
A & R: [Giggling]
Me: Think of it as a gift!
We arrive, thankfully, at the bus stop. All this taking place in 15 minutes. Three kids appear at the stop, all look like siblings, who I’ve never seen before:
Me: Do they always get the bus?
Me: They look like siblings, that’s for sure.
Me: Two girls with long auburn hair and a tall skinny boy with the same colour hair, just short. They look like Weasleys to me!
R: Yeah, that big one thinks he’s Percy. He’s not!
A: [Laughing] Jesus. Bye, Dad.
R: They’re better dressed and I bet he hasn’t got a dragon!
Me: Aye, fair point.
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such great kids. It must’ve been something good I did once, as they make me laugh every day, no matter my mood.
On dropping Rory off, getting him to the cloakroom and avoiding the farewell plum shot that is his trade mark, we fist pump, I leave for home. We’ll do it all again later and I’m looking forward to it.
Best therapy ever.