Why it’s good to talk

These past few weeks since I started blogging, I have talked with several people who are going through or been through some traumatic events, thanks to anxiety and depression.

I am grateful people shared their story as a direct result of my experience, also that they care enough about another person to reach out. I am truly humbled and grateful for their empathy that I hope I can, even in a small way, help others going through a rough time.

The stories have been harrowing. People who have attempted to end their lives, more than once, with one telling me in detail how they were going about it in an empty public place and what pulled them back was their dog. I hope no-one minds me blogging about this and of course our confidentiality is paramount, as is our mutual trust. I’ll never break that.

The thought of who would care for their dog when they were gone got their feet moving away and to get help for themselves. I can tell you that person is an inspiration to me for having the strength and courage not just to walk away but to recover to be the wonderful person they are, creating a happy life for themselves. If that person is reading this, I’m proud of you and well done. And also thanks for the inspiration.

A couple of others have surprised me by their candidness, as they are suffering but not sure what to do next. I can tell you that’s normal, that doubt in your head talking is the issue. Speak to someone, anyone you feel can help and don’t delay. Once you do, you have shared and you will be relieved to finally get it off your chest with another person who is there for you, can take a load from you. Then go see your doctor and start the path to getting well.

I am so fortunate in that Lady Mackay (see previous blog posts for reference) is my best friend and she knew instinctively that I needed help. I pushed her away a few times, hid the worst of it from her but she knew. When I did finally open up, I was a big soggy mess, a wreck. That’s the male script for you – don’t talk about feelings, don’t show weakness of any sort, get on with it, man up, give yourself a shake, stop feeling sorry for yourself. There are people worse off than you, all those starving folks in Africa, people with cancer, SORT YOURSELF OUT, you malingering waste of skin. And it’s all destructive bollocks.

Trust me, it doesn’t work as a coping strategy. You have to let it out, allow others in and get the help needed to get you well again. After two breakdowns, I know this to my cost.

I’m in the grip of a down day and there is little reason for it. In Oxford, I had a great coffee, got home to go for a lovely walk in the woods with Lady M & dogs, no reason for the low mood. I saw a blog from someone I recently befriended on social media, a lovely lady who blogged this today, It’s okay to not be ok and after reading, it helped me a lot. Just to say that I wasn’t good and be fine with that took the pressure off.

For those who are struggling, know you’re not alone and other people have been through this, are going through it. Ask for help and you’ll see the best in people.

Remember, be kind to yourself, always.


8 thoughts on “Why it’s good to talk

  1. Thankyou for this! You’re right, it IS ok to ‘not be ok’ and once you realise that and stop feeling the need to make excuses (‘I can’t meet for coffee/drinks, my Granny’s Auntie’s best friend’s cousin broke a fingernail and needs me’) and just say ‘I’m having a bad day and need time on my own’ the relief is overwhelming. Yes you get the ones who tell you to ‘give yourself a shake’ and the urge to punch them in the face can be quite alarming but hey ho, you realise that these are the people you maybe don’t need in your life. That’s what I did, binned the ones who made me feel worse and that actually started me on the road to recovery. Oh and my ever faithful dog, (yes the one who snapped me out of my suicide planning that day) keeps me ‘keeping on!’ X Boobies (@)(@) x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for that.
      It’s great to see how far you’ve come and how settled you are. Definitely an inspiration to me.
      And yes, toxic people are being cut from my life as they make themselves known.It goes against my thoughts but it’s right.
      You give that dog a big bit of loving from me. He’s a cracker.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Once again Richard a great read and you always say so much relatable stuff. Speaking from my own experience I can honestly say how much of a difference having my wee dog here has made to me, dogs give unconditional love to you and sometimes that can make all the difference.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s massive, Allan.
      I have three and they are loonies, making me laugh all the time.
      One is sitting right now staring at the front door, waiting for the mail to be posted.
      It came about an hour but he’s on stag at the minute. lol
      Look after yourself, Allan.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Facebook has its faults granted but the anonymity is great when the tears are flowing and there is always somebody to talk to or just to browse what others are doing. Although Depression is a very lonely place and being alone a necessity; being part of a Facebook Community means that you are never really alone which in itself can be a comfort. Well done for highlighting the issue Richard and you be kind to yourself also and remember that being OK is good enough xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Laurelle.
      Yes, FB has helped massively and as you know the constant stream of daft banter is therapeutic as well as good entertainment.
      Trying to be kind to myself and still discovering how best to get through all this.
      It really helps talking and hearing how others manage themselves, how they are managing to flourish.
      Thanks for reaching out – much appreciated.
      Look after yourself too.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Bang on the mark as ever Rich xx having one of those days myself and Im not sure if I want to just hide myself in a deep dark hole or let the world & her auntie know that I’m angry, upset, hurt and potentially murderous… but ever so slightly calmed by your words? If that makes any sense at all xx

    Liked by 1 person

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